Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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