he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
