Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
