My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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