I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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