Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
