Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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