Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
