i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
