Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
