So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
