If that was your dad, he is hot
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
