So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
