dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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