I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
