apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
