someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
