chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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