So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I only lived at night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
