Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I want is dick and wine.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
