To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
