if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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