in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they're like a gay fantastic four
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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