i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
