I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
