she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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