we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
