So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
