My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
