but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
