she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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