Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
