When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
