i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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