Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
