mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ladies don't puke and tell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
