I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
