i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
