Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
