You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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