yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
