I'm so fucking centered right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
