They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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