I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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