I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
