I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
