There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
