Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
