all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
