So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
