Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
