bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Be still, my beating vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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