Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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