My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
